My My Immortal commentary
by EmmyMetal
Summary: Everyone else was doing it and I already have my parody. So here's my commentary on My Immortal. New chapter! And a cover!
1. Chapter 1

**DaniFenton12-** Okay, I am doing a commentary on My Immortal. I already wrote a parody, why not a commentary? Here we go :(  
**Disclaimer- **DaniFenton12 does not own My Immortal or Harry Potter. Just her commentary.

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AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **Not really.** 2 my gf (ew not in that way)** I wasn't even thinking of **_**that way.**_ raven, bloodytearz666 **You didn't capitilize her name..** 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **She **_**so **_**did not help 'wif da spelling'** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life **I feel bad for you, Justin.** u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **MARY SUE** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Ebony and Black are the same thing** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back **were you **_**born **_**with that coloring?** and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **..wait. **_**WHAT?**_ and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).**Okay, bye! JK. I know who she is.** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** Honey, you wish you dated him. It would be gross if you thought your relative was hot..okay, maybe not but why is your last name the same?** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **...Again, **_**WHAT?**_ I have pale white skin. **Obviously..** I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Oh, God no..** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). **Seventeen is implyed in Seventh year.** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **Not yet anyways.** and I wear mostly black. **No really? You've said black about what four times?** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **Is Hot Topic even in England?** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it ** Oh, shit. Why don't you tear my eyes out and feed them to my dog? **and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets **Wait..Fishnets?** and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, **Aren't you already pale if you're a vampire? Oh here we go.**_**I have pale white skin **_ black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **Um..Eww** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **Yep. The world is ending.** A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **...how rude..**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **Oh hell no.**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.**..Shyly?**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Forever?**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **No. It sucks.  
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**DaniFenton12- On to chapter two. *sarcasm* Yay**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ebony- **U DUNT OWN MAI IMMORTAL OR HARRI POTTER

**DaniFenton12- God, I know. Just leave me the hell alone!  
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AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **Yeah. Maybe the story, but so not the spelling.** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **If only I was on this website when My Immortal was new. Si**_**ghh**_

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **DORM!** It was snowing and raining again. **Why does the world want to end? Oh yeah, Ebony exists.** I opened the door of my coffin **At least your not a **_**Twilight **_**vampire. Maybe I should write a twilight fic with Ebony as Edward's girlfriend.. or would she choose Jacob? No. She would have Willow dating Jacob and choose Edward cause he's as god dammned depressed as her. **and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **You **_**WHAT?**_ My coffin was black ebony **That's the same damn thing!** and inside it was hot pink velvet **If your goth why would you.. nevermind, I've seen goths wear pink.** with black lace on the ends. **I'm confused. Black lace?** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **No underwear or pants? Maybe not. When we were little, my sisters and I would use our step-dad's old t-shirts as pajamas with no pants.** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, _**Leather dress?**_ a pentagram necklace, **My friend wants one of those..** combat boots and black fishnets **Again with the fishnets.** on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, **Um. Ouch.** and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **What?**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Hi, Raven! I hate you for letting her post this!** woke up then and grinned at me. **You mean, Willow woke up, looked over at me and smiled? That makes more sense. **She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair **I seriously thought it was brown when I first read this, but re-read it and saw it was black.** with pink streaks **Ew** and opened her forest-green eyes. **You can just write green eyes. There's no need to use **_**Forest green.**_ She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt **NO! Don't ruin him too! I'm going to his concert May 11th. I feel soo bad for him and the other bands she likes in this story.**with a black mini, fishnets **AGAIN! THE DAMN FISHNETS!** and pointy high-heeled boots. **Huh?** We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **Gross.**

"OMFG, **omfg?** I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **You're a vampire. You can't blush.**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked **The second chapter and you already assume she likes him?** as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **The Slytherin common room is in the dungons, down in the depths of the school. It takes a while to walk there.**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **"No I don't" would work just fine.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **No! Go away Draco!**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **How can you say "Hi" **_**flirtily?**_** That makes Willow more suspisious.**

"Guess what." he said. **DON'T TALK!**

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **NOO! That's IMPOSSIBLE!**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(Sarcasm) No, really?**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked. **That's it. She actually fucked up Draco Malfoy. She actually did it. **

I gasped. **THAT'S your cliffhanger? **_**I gasped?**_** Are you NUTS?  
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**DaniFenton12- I hate her so much. Anyway. Let's go onto Chapter three..**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **I'm not a prep, I hate bad grammar, and I will not stop sending in bad reviews.** odderwize **Odderwize?** fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **Who the hell would give this story good reviews?** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **I've read Raven's story. She's way better than you. She could have at least corrected your spelling then this story could have been a bit better.** oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis **I am so glad you don't own Harry Potter.** or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **Yuck.** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. **Fishnets? What the hell?** Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. **Not a very good desciption..** I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **Damn. Fishnets.** I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **..So a mohawk? **I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Oh, my...** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding **TWILIGHT!** and I listened to some GC. **Why can you never spell the band name out? I'm writing a correction for this story next.** I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **Ooh, yay. TONS!** Then I put on some black lipstick. **Yay(Sarcasm)** I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **Why the hell didn't you do that before? **I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **Good for you.**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **I thought Mr. Weasley was the only one with a flying car..** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), **Good for them.** baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner **I feel bad for you, Draco.** (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!) **Not really.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **Your emo too? Why is there an exclamation point?**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz **Oh boy.** (the license plate said 666) **I bet some people I know would freak out over that..** and flew to the place with the concert. **You don't descibe things good.** On the way we listened excitedly **How do you do that?** to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. **Damn. I wince every time she says Marilyn Manson.** We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Please let them get caught, please, please.** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **Like a bunny?** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **I don't know why I read this.**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **I don't even know that song. I'll look it up later.**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **That's not a good thing to say to the guy you like.**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **No, shit sherlock.**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. **Are you fucking serious?** Then I caught on. **At least your not totally stupid..**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **Okay, I take it back. You are stupid.**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **Draco Malfoy is not **_**Sensitive! **_**If he was, he wouldn't be calling Hermione a Mudblood!**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **I know blondes have their moments, my step- sister is blonde so I know. There's nothing wrong with them. They can either be really mean or really funny and nice. I even have blonde moments and I'm a brunette.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. **Of course you did.** So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. **They **_**let **_**you? Sure, Blood on the Dance Floor allows pictures and talks with their fans because they care. My friend Savannah says so, and I've seen the picture. Most bands don't do, do they?** We got GC concert tees. **Draco should be going "What the fuck is this?" and look at it weird.** Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, **Ooh. You **_**Crawled?**_ but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **Oh NO! Stupid cliffhanger!  
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**DaniFenton12- Got that over with. Yay. Peace out.**


	4. Chapter 4

**DaniFenton12- Another chapter of the commentary. My friend and I were going to go to the park on friday after school to read My Immortal for YouTube but couldn't because of The Days Of Silence and it started raining:( **

**Disclaimer- I don't own My Immortal or Harry Potter.  
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AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **..I'm confused** nut mary su OK! **They most likely said she was a Mary-Sue. Not that her name IS Mary-Sue! **DRACO IS SOO IN LUV **Oh. My. God.** wif her dat he is acting defrent! **Maybe a little bit OOC but most characters are in fanfiction. But your just rediculous.** dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **Yeah, okay. Write about that then. Explain that they were friends and he started to like her.. what the fuck am I saying?**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Driving into the...Forbidden Forest!**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **So he fell to his doom? Yay!** I walked out of it too, curiously. **Yay! She dies too!**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **Aww.. She survived.**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **Stop being so damn mean.**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes **His eyes are blue..right?** (he was wearing color contacts) **Ah...Wait, do wizards even have contacts? Maybe muggleborns.** which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **..You didn't feel mad because his eyes had **_**Depressing Sorrow **_**and **_**evilness?**_** That would make me feel sad.**

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **Oh no.** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **I feel bad for that tree..** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. **Oh my god! Turn it off! Turn it off! Click back! Click back!** I even took of my bra. **Holy FUCKING Crap!** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what **I have no idea what your talking about, but I'm scared. **and we did it for the first time. **Oh damn it.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **Um..No comment** We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **YOUR A VAMPIRE! YOUR NOT SUPPOST TO GET **_**WARM!**_ And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **Who is it? This must be embarrasing and scar the person for life who just saw you both naked and doing **_**it. **_

It was...Dumbledore! **HAHAHAHA! DUMBLEDORE! Oh my fucking god!  
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**DaniFenton12- This chapter sucks. Review please! The review button isn't far behind.**


	5. Chapter 5

**CalmAsWater- I was bored and decided to upload another commentary chapter. So, here it is!**

**Bold- My words**

Normal- Tara's sad excuse for writing..

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_**Chapter five- **_

AN: STOP flaming! **NO!** if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **Sure it does. **Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **Suree, a headache!** ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **Of course he was mad, but it's just too out of character for him to swear.** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **Who would give this story good reviews?**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **No shit.**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. _**Ludacris fools? What the Fuck?**_

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **Ooh! **_**Pallid!**_ Draco comforted me. **How? **When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **Well, of course they were angry.**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **…Sexual intercourse?**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **..Mediocre dunces..?**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **He's somewhat in character, though not completely.**

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **He **_**SHRIEKED?**_** HAHAHA**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **Okay, just because their Slytherin, Snape defiantly would not just let them go.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **I would glare too.. Though I might get a middle finger from Ebony..**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **Asked Gently?**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. **Of course you lied.** I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Hey, look! Only a sentence (Sort of) about her clothing! **When I came out…. **What happened?**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **Should I be glad that I haven't heard one song by Good Charlotte?** I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **Of course he wasn't supposed to. They put a charm on the girls dorms where boys can't come in. **We hugged and kissed. **Thank god, not another sex scene. **After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **Yay! It's over!  
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**CalmAsWater- That's done! Yay!**


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